I've been struggling with something for a while now. We ask God for more of Him, but when we "accept Him" to come into our lives, we, at that point have all of Him we will ever need. We are filled with the Holy Ghost, joint heirs with Christ, etc. I realized that we don't need more of Him, but I was having difficulties figuring out HOW to "go after" God and what that even means. I wasn't understanding, and am still not completely sure, what it was I was missing and how I can get it. I wasn't missing more of the Holy Spirit or more of Him, but I was/am missing something in my relationship with Him and my submission to the reign of the Holy Spirit in my life. So, what does all of this mean?
Introduction:
I have been walking with God for almost 10 years now and I have gone through the early years of zeal. I have wrestled with God and developed a bone deep relationship with Him. This has caused my walk to be wholly genuine. I am grateful, but now I long to get back to the place of zealous passion. To have wrestled with God, experience the frustrations and disappointments of this world and to come back and walk in full devotion and consecration to the Lord. I am called into ministry, though of what kind, I am unsure. Perhaps at this point, my knowing is insignificant. Yet, I know I need change. Lately, I have found myself blaming my circumstances for too much. Experiencing the hurt and loneliness that goes along with desiring to have a wife, to be left single for years, questioning if God really knows what He’s doing. I have not had a mentor or any form of accountability in years. I have sought it out, but to no avail. It is mighty tough to “fight the good fight” when you do not have comrades walking by your side encouraging you along the way, in the daily battles of life. Difficulties? Sure. But no longer do I have the luxury of such excuses. My spirit will no longer allow it. My walk with God is present and real, but not extreme and revived. I'm stopping short in my obedience and in my devotion and in my love. I confess this and ask for advice.
I’ve heard too many empty prophecies, and too many clichés. Seen to many dead and irrelevant churches. I read Scripture and my heart is stirred and shaken up by the words I read. Then I pick my head up and look at myself in the mirror. I look at our theoretical approaches that sound nice, but fail when the rubber meets the road. Something doesn’t sit right in me.
Questions:
What characterizes a Spirit filled and Spirit led life? Fruit, power, holiness, gifts, being others centered.
How do I practically walk in love and power? How do I get to “that place” in my walk where His presence and glory oozes from this temple? Also…How do I live a Spirit led life? I think these three questions all have the same answer.
This is what I have so far…First, we experience His Presence by spending time with Him. We talk to Him, fix our gaze towards Him and find ourselves constantly attentive to His will. [Again, if we are Spirit led, then this will be more natural than it will be an act of our will. So why isn’t it? I find that I too often live my life out of my will, mind, and emotions. I am led by my soul more than I am being led by my spirit…my spirit which is commingled with the Holy Ghost. Something tells me that there is untapped power there!:)]
We read Scripture, fellowship with the Spirit, worship Him, obey His voice, etc. We pursue Him and His calling further by persistently and boldly crying out to Him. We experience spiritual discontentment and dissatisfaction for anything less than what He wants for us. We study, walk in our giftings and continue to obey as we daily fix our eyes on Jesus.
I want the church to be so saturated by His presence that it flows out onto others. I want us so consumed by Him, that His glory permeates through us and His radiance is manifested through us. It’s God will too. As humbling as it is, that’s how He chose to reveal Himself in this age.
I am not trying to make a formula out of this, but these seem to be active ingredients in a Spirit empowered life manifesting God’s presence, right? What am I missing? The crux of what I am trying to say is all rooted in relationship. An “abiding in the Vine” if you will. We are transformed when we behold Him daily. Again, is there something else?
1 comment:
I agree that zeal is not the fruit of "spiritual disciplines." However, it's also not just an ignorant stage in the early stages of Christianity that the Lord "gives to us." If we allow ourselves to be stirred by the Holy Spirit today, we can experience zeal once again, but it will be a more mature form of it. We don't manufacture this zeal, but we can cooperate with the Holy Spirit to take part in the renewing process.
I pray I never get to the point in my life where I just accept my relationship with God as "where He wants me to be" or grow complacent in pressing on to know God. I know that God is calling me out for more, but I am willingly not heeding his call. Praise to God, none of this affects his love for me or the blood by which I have been redeemed,or my position as His child.
The subtle difference you mention is a good point. It reminds me of Finney's sermon called "Power from on high." He mentions how we come to God by faith(justification), but how we too often try to live out our faith (sanctification) by "performance."
That's just it! I do not want to live out of my soul (mind, will, and emotions) and equate that with my spiritual life. On the contrary, I want my life to be Spirit filled and Spirit led. As such, my life would naturally be the fruit that a branch that is abiding in the Vine would bear. It's not happening, so I feel I am missing something here.
I was zealous in my faith six years ago. In the meantime, I have gone through many internal and external changes...much more than a normal 25 year old. Why is that? It's because I wrestled with God over things that didn't sit right with me. I have already experienced many new frontiers and will hopefully experience more (even challenging ones) as I grow older. But know that this blog didn't just come out of one night of realizing I don't have the same exuberance for Jesus I did when I first "got saved." It's come over a period of time of seeing temples of the living God, His people, that have not properly displayed the glory of God. He is desiring more for us and more for the world. "It's not that we ask too much of God, but that we ask too little."
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