worth and an exhortation

"You can measure your worth by how much you are missed when you leave." This is a quote from a friend of mine, which is likely misquoted a tad, but you get the point. I don't think this person was trying to convey the extreme of what the quote could mean. Instead the quote makes a brash statement to make a point. We obviously may have worth whether or not people realize it and whether or not we are missed at all. However, the element of truth in the statement is that when someone leaves a group of people, they leave a hole that is difficult, and often times impossible to fill. If you don't leave any mark behind you when you leave, the "worth" or relevancy ("worth" may be too strong of a word) of the person is to be questioned or at least (self) examined. Our worth as human beings goes over and above what someone's perceptions of us are thank goodness! But why do I bring this up? When I left my last church I didn't feel a great sense of worth as nobody missed me or seemed sad I was going. No cards, no calls, nobody seemed to care, even when i didn't show up for 8 straight weeks. When a good guy dies, there should be a hole, people should be sad. When a good guy leaves, there should be a hole, people should be sad. I'll be sorely missed by people, even on a personal level, at my work. I believe I was and am missed by friends at the college that I went to. But for some reason, there was no sense of sadness to see me leave my church. I asked many people for some help to house me on random days throughout the week as I stay in the north shore to work (though I live in Gardner) and those that had the most room in their houses, those that I thought I was the closest to, were the ones that offered no help. Micah Baker, Melinda Corey, and Karen Wood. These three people were willing to house me off and on, but not consistently. I am grateful for them, because it was DEMORALIZING not being able to find someone to house me. Tom Lovell, who perhaps had the least amount of room out of anyone is currently housing me every single night that i need a place to stay. He gave me a key to his place and wants me to feel at home. I am humbled by his generosity.

As I finish, I am reminded of how fragile I am, and many others as well. We may have many talents and gifts, but how much it helps for someone to believe in you and see value in you! Sometimes, that makes all the difference in the world. Sure we should all be sure of ourselves, and be firm in who we are in Christ, but it's not always that easy. So instead of talking down to others or focusing on weaknesses, let's all try to see the value in others and find ways to help people feel special and help them realize that they are special.

even more randomness

Thanksgiving...Sometimes I get sad when i think of what I have because I think of how I won't always have it. The sense of future loss makes me sad. It shouldn't. For even in that time of loss, I will have even more to be thankful for, even if it's just the pleasant memories of days past.

Shame on me for not mentioning my time at the Patriots game! That should have been included in my last blog. I must be slipping!:) It was kind of surreal...walking up to the stadium and just taking it all in. Suprisingly enough it was the stadium that had me more than seeing the players. Anyway, it was fun to be there for another game that came down to the wire.

Last night I had a dream about my first girlfriend, my dad and a velociraptor (you know, the cool dinosaurs in Jurassic Park). I escaped the velociraptor, but I can't say the same for my other two accomplices. I can give you the full dream if you want, but i'll just say, it was weird. It's one of those dreams that has you feeling embarassed half way through telling it because you realize it makes about as much sense as a bald monkey (see...i don't even know what the heck that was supossed to mean!).

Gosh, this is a weird blog. Perhaps I will continue on in that vein and just get it all out of my system now. Other meaningless quotes I often say include: What's your middle name in Hebrew? Did London go to Georgia or did Georgia go to London?

Now is the time for my daily rant: Today's rant is about presents during this holiday season. I saw that there was a "scuffle" at one of the malls on the news today. I wish we could all just buy our own presents and then there would be less problems. We all know what we want and we'd all be happy. Even more importantly though, we'd remember more of what Christmas is about. Now I know, the three wise men brought gifts to baby Jesus and there's nothing wrong with giving gifts. Yet, shouldn't the majority of our "effort" and time during the holiday season be about family, Jesus, love, being thankful, etc.? And yes, serving one another (perhaps through gifts), but by golly (yes I just said by golly) isn't there more than that?! Anyway, that isn't even my rant, this is: So many people are complaining about the term Christmas. We should say "Happy Holidays." Christmas is to much of a Christian holiday. We can't sing Christmas carols, and if some had it their way, we probably wouldn't be allowed to say grace before eating our meals. It strikes me funny (in a not funny whatsoever kind of way) that those who don't want to take part in "Christmas" carols or say "Merry Christmas" are many time the same ones out buying gifts for one another, celebrating (though not knowingly) when the wise men brought the gifts to baby Jesus.

Some meaningless banter

Evaluations and "Moving on": We are doing evaluations at my work again. I actually feel good about mine this year because I answered honestly, and though there are no monetary rewards for doing well on the evaluations, I still am excited to see what the managers have to say. I'm actually very good at my job, so in that way, I find it fulfilling. However, I feel like my time there is quickly nearing an end as it is time for me to move on to something else. I will probably never find another job that is as relaxed and where I have as much freedom and flexibility as I do in this job. I love parts of the job, but I can't stay there just because it's easy. "I have to choose between what's right and what's easy." I sense God leading me in another direction. Unfortunately, I am not sure what that is yet. I think I am ready to follow where He leads, but I still fear if I really will do what is called of me. I was wondering just the other day...what if God called me to be a missionary in a remote part of the world? Ashamedly, my first thought was, "I wonder if I could take a furlough every football season, and come back to America, watch all the games, and then go back to my missionary work." Hahaha. ahh, i amuse me:)

A quick frustration: (so many to choose from) about one of my coworkers. One of the overnight staff is pregnant again! She has no father that will stay around with the kids or pay child support, but she keeps getting pregnant. First of all, shame on those "men" who don't care at all about the women they sleep with or the child that they helped conceive...but I digress...She is not putting any thought into these kids or how she will support them. I know I know, "don't judge, you don't know what her story is." Yet, I just get frustrated with people who bleed the system dry by purposely being irresponsible. She says, "I am pregnant, and I want to have more kids too!" WHAT?! I guess it's easy to do that when myself and other people (the state) end up paying for your kids. I don't want to turn this into a political discussion, but my gosh, show some intelligence.

Quick note: Last week I stayed up until 2 in the morning watching Texas Hold em Poker. What in the world is wrong with me?

Fireworks at Work and Boston Sports

I'm at work doing yet another overnight because yet another staff person called in. How can someone who works three shifts a week call out 2 times every month?! I'm not ranting...honest! I'm more just amused by the kind of stuff that goes on around here. It's par for the course around these parts.

We had a discussion in our staff meeting yesterday about how we all have our own perceptions and opinions about life, religion, politics, etc. and how we shouldn't let that affect/influence our work with the clients. First of all, Jesus will affect and influence my work and if you don't like it, then fire me. But since you admire my work so much and you "can't imagine what the place without me" (yes, they said that), then I guess you'll have to deal with it:) Anyway, my boss said that it would be inappropriate to bring a Bible to work or talk about Jesus. I understand that it's safer to avoid the subject of religion. I understand also that in most work places that topic is not "allowed." However, politics and religion are both sensitive topics because they are topics people care deeply about. We further institutionalize clients when we don't allow these discussions to take place. I took a sense of pleasure in the fact that throughout the conversation with my boss, he was not able to respond to my comments and ended up contradicting himself numerous times. My finest moment was when I said, "If Christians were as intolerant of the world as the rest of the world is of Christians then we would have quite a dilemna wouldn't we?" ZING!

I got a flu shot yesterday? Do these things work?

Just so everyone knows, I'm going to a Patriots game this weekend with a good friend. As i was currently reading in Denise's blog (which can be found at): http://www.year23.blogspot.com/ (check out her new haircut!), she noted that she gets "attached" to sports. I could associate with that, yet, I think i take it too far. When the Pats are playing, especially in the playoffs, I go through periods of not being able to eat because I am so nervous. I know I shouldn't get this involved, but I DO enjoy it. Last week I was throwing a fit because the Patriots scored a TD towards the end of the game giving the dolphins too much time to score themselves. Right after we scored (yes, I refer to Boston teams as "we") my dad asked my mom what happened? thinking that something bad happened like the TD got called back on a holding penalty or something. NOPE. I'm just ridiculous and I overreacted. Since I'm on the subject of sports...I don't like watching sports with older guys sometimes. They think they know the players, the rules, the plays...AND THEY USUALLY DON'T. They don't know the rules well, nor do they understand the game. The fact that they don't know everything doesn't bother me. It's just that they give the fascade that they are experts! And they're not!...I am:) hehe.

In conclusion, I will share a story, slightly combining these two topics of work and sports. When the World Series was going on I asked one of my coworkers (who says she LOVES baseball and goes to games and all that) who was representing the National League in the World Series. She replied with the "Toronto Blue Jays." If you don't know why that's funny, then I won't explain it to you. But in case there is confusion, it IS funny!:)

Al Lone

All right, all right. It's been a while. At this point, I will probably have to get a new reader base as my old readers must have stopped checking by now. It's been quite a while. I was either too busy or lacked the incentive to write about anything. But, in the words of Tom Brady after winning his second SuperBowl, "I'm (we're) back." I actually have some stuff to update you all on and some other stuff to say, but for now, I'll write a little short story. I realize the grammar and structure is far from perfect as I am not a good story teller, but i was in the mood. So that's what you get:)

Al went to the mall to get some Christmas shopping done. Well...that was one of his errands he wanted to get done, but it wasn't the purpose for leaving the house on that beautiful day. It was one of those fall afternoons where the smell of the air and the warmth of the sun put a smile on every face that stepped outside the house. So, it was no suprise when Al walked to his car, he was greeted by his elderly next door neighbor, with a warm smile on her face and an ensuing conversation about the weather. "Hello Mr. Lone, what another gorgeous day the Lord has blessed us with no?" Her grandchildren interrupting half way through to show her some new insects that they had just caught from the yard. Al didn't have much to say as he always felt quite awkward around the elderly, and he wasn't crazy about creepy little insects. It's not that he didn't like them, but...he just doesn't like to be around them much. After all, he had "more important things" to do that day. He quickly checked his mailbox before getting into his car. Nothing. Al quickly jumped into his car and drove to the mall. His mind was racing with different ways he could bless people by finding those who are alone and somehow just find a way to love on them. Al realized that he couldn't necessarily bring joy to someone's life himself, but as Christian, he believed that the Holy Spirit living within him could do more than Al could do in his flesh. He started day dreaming of the different ways that the Holy Spirit would "ooze" out of him and touch people's lives just by walking by and making eye contact with people. Al wasn't a theologian, he barely finished high school, so he wasn't sure how much sense this even made. Yet, Al was a man of action, he wanted to "do" first and then find a way to make sense out of it later. As he arrived to the mall, he parked his car far away from the entrance. Al always thought that it didn't make much sense driving around for 3 minutes trying to find a close parking spot when he could just walk to the entrance in half the time. Upon entering the main entrance, he saw a group of boys smoking outside near the door. The kids varied in ages from 16 to 26, but they all seemed to have a sense of brotherhood about them despite their ages. Many of them were dressed in black shirts and sweatshirts. Al thought to himself that these kids seemed happy enough being in their group, so he will just "let them be" and walked in the side entrance instead. As Al walked through the food court, he couldn't help but get some food for himself. After all, it's been 30 minutes since his last meal and he could already feel himself in the mood for more food. As he sat down to eat, he looked around at the other tables in the food court. There were many couples, young and old, sitting down across from each other eating their afternoon meal. Some couples were seemingly engaged in some very interesting topics. Others just sat across the table eating their food in silence, while occasionally looking into each other's eyes, and giving a quick smile before going back to their food. Most of the couples across the food court seemed to be laughing and smiling more than they were eating their food. However, there was one couple that attracted much of Al's attention. The father was bouncing his two year old son on his lap and throwing him up in the air. The young boy screamed with excitement as if relishing in the fact that he knew his father was there to catch him every time. The father was glowing with pride for his son and it didn't seem like anything could take the smile off of the father's face. Al was overwhelmed with emotion, as this episode reminded him of his own desire to have his own family. Al walked away from his meal feeling very down and decided to just go home. He thought that he'd at least walk the long way around to his car. In his walk, he saw an elderly couple holding hands, walking slowly in front of him. At first, Al was enraged that these old people didn't seem to have enough consideration for the "rest of the world" that was trying to get by and get on with their lives. As he passed them, Al started to feel less awkward and saw a certain beauty in the old couple that he passed. Al wasn't sure what to make out of it, so he just walked quickly past them as if he had somewhere to go. By the time Al came back to his house, the sun had set and the cool evening air caused Al's breath to show whenever he exhaled. Al quickly ran inside and got ready for bed. While brushing his teeth, he thought of how he wasn't able to really brighten anyone's day and make them feel less lonely. Upon thinking of it further, Al realized he didn't see anyone who was alone and in need of companionship the whole day. Wiping his face off he looked in the mirror and stopped himself dead in his tracks. There before him stood the face he had been searching for all day. Before him stood the lonliest face he'd seen for quite some time. "How many people have i been fooling with this face?" The sad facts of the day came crashing into his mind. The empty mailbox, his forgotten birthday, the empty bed, the silent phone. Al thought of all the people he saw that day and it made him feel sick to think that he had nobody to share his day with. When Al gathered himself, he was too emotionally drained and tired to watch tv, so he lay down in bed, shutting the lights off and...the silence was too much. Al turned the tv on and drifted off to sleep.