I'm having one of those days where I am really really down and I am not quite sure why. One reason could be the desire to find a different job, but there are a lot of emotions present in that decision that makes it difficult to pinpoint what's happening. Also, and probably more pertinent to my feeling down, I found something I really like in someone, and that is making me feel a lot more lonely. I became attracted to someone's intellect, spirituality, and genuine adventurous spirit seeking after truth. It's not like I am in love with the person, but she has something that is attractive to me. As such, it makes me long for those qualities in my future wife...and it gives me a longing to be with my future wife:)
Has anyone ever fallen in love with a certain part of a person (and I use the phrase "fall in love" loosely)? Like, you can admire and respect and become attracted to certain parts of who they are. Especially when you piece a few great qualities together, there is a natural attraction to that person. That attraction is not wrong, even if the attraction is to someone who is dating someone else or married. Come to think of it, it's natural to find God's creation beautiful. Another theory that I heard is that when someone is married, they are more appealing. The reason for this is that when people feel unconditionally loved by someone (spouse), they feel secure and more confident. That is an attractive quality. It's also easy to have your heart in a place of emotional intimacy with a person who is "taken" because both parties are free to be completely themselves. There is no time to try to impress the other person and there is a ready-made boundary (someone is in a relationship). So, in two friends being brutally real and honest, there is an uncanny sense of connecting. Jesus was tempted in all ways, yet was without sin. That's the key. Being friends is ok. Admiring and being attracted to certain qualities is ok. Being tempted is ok, for that is not the sin, but the lusting after a relationship that is inappropriate, the longing for more intimacy, a kind that should only be shared between the person and their spouse is quite wrong. It's difficult, because there are many marriages that go wrong and one mate leaves their spouse for someone else. When this happens, it is quite often that the one who is not married didn't know where to draw the line between healthy friendships and coveting your neighbors spouse. Falling for someone, having your heart go in an area that it shouldn't, being too close to the person in a way that may come between them and their spouse...these are warning signs to watch out for. Wow...I was going in one direction talking about me and then I just headed in completey different direction with this whole marriage thing. I'm not sure why I am writing about all this. Anyway, please just know that it comes from many different things I have experienced in the past and am observing in the present. I guess that's it. Night all!
3 comments:
One of my dearest friends is married. He was in a relationship when we met, so there wasn't any "oooh I like him" issues. I certainly don't LUST after him, but there are many qualities in him I find myself looking for in other men. Does that count?
Sure it does! Some points will be taken off because there weren't any "i like him" issues, but it'll count:)
I was re-reading this - and I remembered one of my 7th grade crushes was on a guy BECAUSE he had a gf... He was my lab partner. He would talk about her all the time, telling me about all the things he was planning on doing for her, etc. And THAT'S why I had the crush. Good insight Matt. :)
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