Here's a reason I hate soccer. I will watch 85 out of the 90 minutes. The five minutes i get up to get something to eat, i miss the goal. Happens everytime.
I met a guy at the gym a week ago. Wow...that did not sound good. What I mean is that there is a guy who i was spotting at the gym today and I come to find out that he is a personal trainer. He seemed to know what he was talking about as far as weight lifting and nutrition went, so he's gonna be helping me out for a while. Get a good routine going, eat right, get proper form. So I'm excited about that, I think. my lowest weight is 163 now, though it's hard to maintain weight during the summer with all the sweating...hm....I'll do what I can.
OK. So neither of those reasons are why I hate my life. And I realize that I have A LOT to be thankful for, but I guess I am currently in a fragile state right now. And the only reason I have the "courage" to open up like this is because I can pretend I am just writing to myself, even though it's open for the whole world to see. I was talking to a friend last night and reminded myself of something while talking to this person. 1) I'm currently trying to avoid and escape life. I sleep a lot or I watch a lot of tv just to distract me so I can make it through another day. It's a 2-d life. One that does not seem very real or "alive." However, it's less painful. I escape my emotions at all cost. 2) It also reminded me how fake I have been. I have always been real and genuine and honest. However, in order to make it so people don't get sick of talking to me, I pretend to be happy. I'm trying to write about happier things and fake myself into a state of happiness. I am not going to do something to harm myself in any way, so no worries there. But in all honesty, I have times where I just don't care to be alive. How can I try to live a full life as God intended when I am just trying to survive?
I also am getting the impression I should just resign myself to being single. I am losing hope and can't seem to trust in Him.
7 comments:
Hey, you wrote this today!
Have you ever yet found a woman who truly makes you happy? If yes, then you still have hope. There are people (plural) who you are genuinely happy just to be around. If the answer is no, maybe your mind has distorted your heart's wishes for so long you can't tell the difference anymore.
I pray for you daily, and the prayers of a righteous man are effectual. I figure mine at least might do something.
I never pray for happiness for you. I pray for peace that transcends understanding.
I remember many times thinking I wouldn't mind dying. I hear that loud and clear.
http://mikeyw2002.blogspot.com/
Feb. 17 2006... YOU update:) hehe
i will write some time soon. just struggling with some stuff right now.
whoa, june 21st was a LONG time ago... your fans demand content (isn't mike so pushy!?)
Lots of people feel just as you do - they (me) just aren't as strong to share it on their blog.
I hope you're doing okay.
Time to renew, this has been on here long enough.
Do You Have Kids
The Angel's Tidings Stories from the New Testament That Mothers
Can Tell Their Children http://biblestory.spiritualideas.com/index.htm
Many legends arose from the Race of the chinese zodiacs. One told of the reason why cats and rats shall always be enemies: He and the cat (at the time good friends) were poor swimmers, so they asked the ox if they could stay on top of his head to cross the river. Along the way he pushed the cat off of the ox's back. And the cat, incapable of swimming, lagged behind. The rat stayed on top of the ox's head until the ox was almost at the finish line. And as the ox was about to cross it, the rat jumped from the ox's head and became first place. And the cat and rat have been enemies ever since.
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