circumventing

As usual, this will be a whole bunch of non-linear thoughts because...well, that's just how my brain has been working lately.

My most hated movie line (from the movie Match Point): The innocent are sometimes slain to make way for grander schemes. You were collateral damage.

I heard reports of a centipede in my apartment that crawled it's way out from under the futon in the kitchen. Needless to say I spent half the night turning furniture over to make sure that there were no more centipedes in the apartment. I didn't want any rude awakening in the middle of the night. I also happened to cross paths with one HUGE ant...I'm pretty sure it could have taken me.

At about midnight I walked through downtown Salem and down some less populated streets as well. What in the world was I thinking? Skinny goofy looking white kid should not be walking alone in the middle of Salem in the middle of the night. Yikes.

I think I need to start listening to my gut more than my head.

I used to smile a lot more. I think I used to be happier. Circumstances probably weren't better in my life, but I was happier. Now it seems the best I can do is just let out a half-smile so that people won't be concerned that something must be wrong.

I remember my first year of college. One night, my girlfriend called and broke up with me over the phone. Throughout the semester, the guys on my floor helped me through it. I mean, they were guys being guys, they weren't counseling me, but even that really helped a lot. I think it was just the fact that I had a group of guys that I was getting closer to that I could spend time with and goof off with. Just by having friends to hang out with I was able to take my mind off of my problems. They made me sit through a movie called, "Swingers." These guys help their friend get back "into the circuit" right after his girlfriend breaks up with him and he thinks his life is over. I've been thinking about how my friends freshman year brought me back to a place where I didn't think my life was over. At the time, I didn't realize how blessed I was to have them. What a blessing friends are! I've been blessed with great friends at different times in my life. The problem with meeting new friends is that it's not easy...yet, so simple! When you have great friends or you have a boy/girl friend, you probably weren't out looking for these people. You didn't go out with the intent to find these people. Finding your mate often happens naturally and that is the case with friends as well. It's hard to do something about being lonely, because friends usually "just happen" when you are living your life. My problem is I am having difficulty really living my life. This past weekend I slept a total of 24 hours in a 48 hour period. Someone's not motivated.