update

What I've been up to: I attended my first karaoke bar thingy while visiting my old roommate. I, of course, didn't sing. However, it was fun to watch everyone else. The week before, I attended a funeral for one of my best childhood friends growing up. He committed suicide after shooting his girlfriend.

Current goals: I'm going to say yes to almost everything that I am invited to. I will make it a point to go out of my comfort zone and find opportunities for fellowship. I will spend some more time in nature. I will look into sports groups that may be developing so that I can get involved that way as well. I may find an occasional job to get some extra money. I may take some classes at gordon conwell seminary. I hope to do that latter, but am not sure if it can work out.

Current decisions: Do I stay or do i go now? Do i stay or do i go? I am currently living in Salem. I was living at home to spend some time with my parents, but 1) I am not motivated to do anything at all when i am at home and 2) there is not a lot of opportunity for social interaction in that part of the state. So I moved to Salem knowing that i could and will still spend time with my parents on some weekends and do stuff then. So far I am not happy with being here, but i want to give it a chance. I'd prefer to have a studio apartment, but studios are super expensive around these parts. I'd like to have my alone time at my own place and then be intentional about hanging out with people. That way I'd have time to myself, but I'd also be able to engage in a variety of communities that would be desireable for me. In the past I had a lot of communities, but I did not feel connected to any of them. That's how I am feeling about my current living situation.

I do want to stay around this area for a little while, and i'm paying peanuts right now to live in this exact apartment so I guess I should take advantage of that. I tell myself that is true, but I don't feel that way in my heart. My room is too small. I have to climb over everything and it's super not convenient. When I come home from work at the end of the day I want a place I can relax, not a place I have to type on my laptop from a handstand position just so i can fit in my room. Being inconvenienced in life is not a bad thing. Sometimes being uncomfortable is good too. These things can help us grow when we otherwise wouldn't. Living a lifestyle of simplicity is good too for those who feel led to do so. However feeling uneasy all the time isn't good. Where I am living makes me constantly feel uneasy. One example of this, though not the only one, is how a lady was robbed at knife point by a guy in the middle of the day on the street next to me. So I hope that either my feelings change or I move. I am thinking of taking a class at Gordon Conwell, but if i did that could I really do work in my room? I don't have a desk to do any work...but do I really want to pay double what I am paying now in order to get a studio? The weather has been terrible, so maybe i just feel down from that.

I believe God is calling me to some form of church leadership in the future, whether it's an associate pastor, an elder, or some other form of leadership. However, as I noticed all of the church elders standing in front of the church this morning, I asked myself, "how much of church leadership (beyond men's ministry or bible study leaders) is married couples?" All of them in front of me. When I thought about it, almost all elders, pastors, etc. are married. It made me wonder if i should not pursue those things which I think God is calling me to. Then I figured I should just pursue them and trust God with the rest. Then if I don't get married, I can complain:) Those who know me know that I would rather just complain and then not pursue anything...but I will not do that! yeah!