a not so quick update

“Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.” This quote was on a friend of a friend's website and I wanted to steal it because it made me laugh.

OK. This very well may be the least interesting post in the world, but i wanted to update all of you (and remind me) what's on my plate as of late (that's right, I'm such a good rapper...you know it!).

I went to a wedding this weekend and I was an usher. The wedding was in South Carolina and for my best friend in high school. He was really glad that I made it, and so was I. My dad and I went down and I actually had a good time. The rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the reception...I actually enjoyed myself! Go figure. I'm glad my dad was able to go down there with me, it made the trip much more enjoyable. Scott, the groom, is one of the those guys who hasn't changed much, but that isn't a bad thing. He's got a great heart and you know he'd do anything for you. So it was easy to not feel sorry for myself and to just be happy for him during most of the time i was down there. Scott even came over and sat next to me during the reception and asked, "so...how are you doing?" in a way that let me know he understood that this wasn't easy for me. I didn't want to spoil his big day so i changed the subject, but the fact that he came over and asked that question when he had so much other stuff going on meant a lot. In the wedding pamphlet, he compared ourselves to David (me) and Jonathon (Scott) due to our close friendship. At the reception, I actually danced a little. And I danced one slow song with this southern bell who asked me to dance. I was stuffing my face with ice cream at the time so it took me a few seconds to respond. For the record, I really like southern girls. Their accents are addictive and they are so polite. I think they'd be able to draw me out of my shell so much more than most girls from New England just because of their extra courteous personality (not everyone obviously, and I know some of it is all just fake, but anyway...). I like 'em. The southern guys are cooler than guys from New England as well. The ones that I met were nice guys, who didn't give off any sense of being better than anyone else. They were just funny, humble guys who were quite enjoyable to be around. Apparently, my parents went to brooks pharmacy to develop the film and they somehow jammed the film. Losers. 2 other quick things: 1) directions...mapquest sucks! We got lost three times and none of those times were fully our fault. Granted, my dad didn't neccesarily serve as the greatest navigator in the passenger seat (hey dad where are we turning next? huh, i don't know! dad, you have the directions...). Anyway, we were told to take turns on roads that didn't exist and not told to take turns onto roads that we needed to travel on. It was a mess. But we found everything on time...kind of. 2) The guys pulled a good joke that fooled everyone. They pulled it off very well! When the pastor asked for the ring, the best man looked for it and couldn't find it, he looked horrified. Then the that went on down the line until the last guy looked in his pockets and was shocked to find the ring there. Everyone got a good laugh out of it. Overall, the wedding was good, but at times it just tore me apart.

Parts of the wedding made me long to be with "that special someone" so much. Luckily, I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and many things that I am trying to concentrate on and pursue. Yet still, the strain on my heart to be with someone is growing stronger. I don't even think about it, the feelings will randomly just come upon me out of nowhere. I'm trying so hard to "fight the good fight," but right now I am in survival mode and not always living or pursuing the best for my life. Instead of waiting for "God's best, i let my heart settle for counterfeits because most of the time i am just trying to make it through the day. I want to find guys to fight the fight with. I want to live for a cause greater than myself and pursue God’s calling for me. I want to spend more time in intimacy with God, receiving His strength and grace and just being in His presence like I never have before. I don’t think I am supposed to be trying to go through all these hard times alone. So all that to say that there’s things I am trying to get in place besides just having a girl. Yet, it still hurts a lot right now! So, I spend time crying out to God for more of His grace and strength so that in relying upon Him, He may be an everpresent help, even more now that I feel so alone. I’ve prayed that if there’ something stopping me from meeting the girl He has for me than for Him to reveal it to me and help me change. He told me one thing and now I fear I won’t be able to change.

I want to/need to move away (like out of state to North Carolina, Colorado, or Maine or wherever), but I just fear moving away and feeling even more alone than now. Yet, I'm alone now anyway. In eventually moving away I may just start to get out of the rut i currently find myself in now. For now, I plan on moving to my parent's house to save some more money and spent some time with them before moving again. I will keep my job here in Danvers and commute (1.5 hrs each way). I am hoping that I will be able to work something out at my job with my scheduling so that I don't have to commute so many days. I will also be asking some people in the northshore if they wouldn't mind giving me a floor to sleep on once every other week or so. That would help me not have to commute all the time as well.