Love...

For the record...I hate this holiday. I know i shouldn't, but i do. there is that. One thing that is hard for me lately is loneliness. I have spent some time with some good friends just hanging out, and i think it made me realize what i am missing by not being able to do thatmore often. Most of the loneliness is probably due to the girl thing though. Wanting a girl to share my life with...that'd be nice. I haven't had a girflriend in a long long time. I think i am ready now. I feel like girls see me as a brother more than a "possibility." I love, and that makes girls comfortable, but it sure doesn't seem to be very attractive to anyone. I won't lash out any longer on that. On to love...

It's a beautiful thing when you get past all that we have been told about it growing up in our culture...it really is! I think I have learned some things about this love, but it's not the kind of love that the world would say is love. It's not based on how a girl makes me feel and what i get out of being with her. It's not based on sexual, physical attraction. It's a love that sees her almost outside of gender lines. Yet, still seeing her as being the most beautiful soul I have ever seen, and yet, being able to see her as a friend first before seeing her as a girl. It's simply a deep love for a person where our spirits seem to bond in an amazing way.

I'm learning a wonderful thing, how deep love can go without the emotions and infatuation that kisses and hugs can start in motion. Usually those happen so soon that a time can come when one starts to wonder if he really loves the soul of the girl, because he doesn't take enough time to really know it first and love her deeply there. Now, I'm finding that I can love the soul of a girl without the physical bonding clouding the issue. That's good and healthy.